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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbor mowing the lawn. I figure he`ll just have to mow around me. I`m not moving.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".