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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.