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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)