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I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"