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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.