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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.