Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.