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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.