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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.