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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
I`m never free but I`m available.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".