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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!