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That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.