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“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.