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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?