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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
I’m tired of things costing money.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.