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A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.