Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.