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Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.