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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!