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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
I look so young for my rage.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
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I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.