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I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.