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My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
What’s the answer to this question?
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.