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I just called. To say. I texted you.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.