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People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
why do i feel like you are reading this
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.