Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.