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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.