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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?