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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?