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A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!