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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.