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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...