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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.