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I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.