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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.