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I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Wife: I wish we could have sex like we used to... Husband: Do you mean with other people?
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.