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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!