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You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.