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Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.