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Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
The only dates I get are updates.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Bacon...need I say more
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.