Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.