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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"