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Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.