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I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?