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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Home is where the pants aren’t.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.