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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.