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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.