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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!