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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.