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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.