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From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!