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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs