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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC