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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.