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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?