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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
Can I get likes for no reason?
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.